Punishment, too, is a form of beauty

I've been beating myself up over this chapter since yesterday. I know that this is what I want to do with it, but I'm not sure the product came out right. It seems too blocky and glazed, and I'm not sure what to do with it...

Anyone want to Critique it for me? You'd have my eternal gratitude.

I know this is shameless pimping, but damnit, sometimes it just must be resorted to.